


Every Day Without You Hurts

by chaoslaura



Series: Prompt list [7]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex and Willie are good I promise, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, I made myself sad, M/M, Underage Drinking, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28896717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoslaura/pseuds/chaoslaura
Summary: Prompt Angst 35: "I loved you. I loved you so, so much, but you hurt me.”Or"Willie confided in Alex about his family and his fears, not knowing what to do after school, wanting to be free and just see where the world takes him, maybe going more into arts or staying in the music industry. He had started a job at a record company not long before he met Alex and it was nice. He got the money to buy more art supplies to paint his boards, he could buy Alex little presents, it was good, but he wasn’t sure yet and Alex assured him he would follow along with whatever Willie decided for his future."
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: Prompt list [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2082906
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32





	Every Day Without You Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm repeating myself but every time I surprise myself with how many words I'm writing about these two when I don't intend to do it. I guess more for you then^^
> 
> You can write me here or on tumblr under [@chaoslaura](https://chaoslaura.tumblr.com/) requests for a prompt from [this](https://blisfvll.tumblr.com/post/627380949234155520/prompt-list-1) list, and pairing and additional wishes, and I will gladly write it for you.  
> Also as a member of the Bobby defense squad this may be the only fic where I do him dirty. It just fit so well for the story and I'll be forever sorry for doing this. With that being said you may start reading now :)

Alex and Willie didn’t meet long ago when Alex was taking a stroll along the beach promenade with an iced coffee in hand, clearing his head after an unpleasant morning in the Mercer household that would’ve left him screaming if he didn’t walk out the door. Watching the people around him go on their own missions, alone or an arm hooked in someone else’s. They all had their reason to be out here today just like him and it calmed him to know he wasn’t the only one to walk this path right next to the sand with his own thoughts and story. 

Unbeknownst to him a skater was not too far behind him, taking up tempo and enjoying the wind caressing his face, his long hair flying wild around his face. For a short moment he couldn’t see anything as the hair blocked the view in front of his eyes and then he crashed into something with his whole body, or rather someone he learned quickly when that someone groaned under him with pain and then more with indignation for being run over. 

Alex experienced a _gay panic moment _how Julie had said it when Alex retold the story to the band later that day at practice, unable to keep what happened to himself. Not when he met the most good-looking guy on earth, “Honestly, you guys won’t know what I mean if you don’t see it yourselves. He could be a model for all I know.”__

__It was a start for a friendship and months later, only after the band pushed him and gave him an hour-long pep talk, did Alex got the courage to confess his feelings. As it turned out did Willie feel the same, since the beginning, but he didn’t want to force himself on Alex, taking it slowly in fear or scaring Alex off._ _

__It was easy with them all going to the same school and sharing their free time, all not living too far away from each other. The band and Willie got closer as well and not just Alex got a liking to Willie. He was around much more often as he didn’t really have a friend group before, joining for band practice and cheering them on. Afterwards he and Alex would go for a walk with Willie’s skateboard and just talk, gazing at the sunset before Alex had to go home and they met again the next day with a peck on the lips and a sweet smile etched on their faces._ _

__Willie was often alone in his too big home, with his parents gone almost all day long and no one else around to keep him company. He often invited Alex over to not let the loneliness consume him as it did sometimes the years before. They would cook together and watch movies, Alex would tease him for his bad taste in action movies and Willie would sit through every romantic romcom Alex showed him just to see a smile on his face he could gaze at from the side when Alex was too enraptured to notice him looking._ _

__The remaining time they would lie side by side on his bed as soft music was playing in the background, staring at the ceiling and talk. Like they did on their walks and their dates on the beach and various museums. They were good with talking, able to tell each other everything without fearing rejection they so often had to undergo with their families._ _

__Willie confided in Alex about his family and his fears, not knowing what to do after school, wanting to be free and just see where the world takes him, maybe going more into arts or staying in the music industry. He had started a job at a record company not long before he met Alex and it was nice. He got the money to buy more art supplies to paint his boards, he could buy Alex little presents, it was good, but he wasn’t sure yet and Alex assured him he would follow along with whatever Willie decided for his future._ _

__They may not be same character wise, but Alex friends couldn’t deny how good Willie was for Alex, calming him in ways the other needed years for, they just got each other without needing too much words, reading their emotions from their demeanour, how they would eat their breakfast or simply which shirt they wore that day. It was almost their own language, not the same Alex had with the band._ _

__On one of their many band sleepovers they talked about the future and Julie said she definitely wanted a wedding someday with Ray walking her down the aisle and she was sure she would cry because her mum couldn’t be there for her big moment but all of them would be invited so she had enough of her favourite people around her to feel whole._ _

__Then Reggie had said Alex could marry Willie someday and Alex could just blush and sputter, because this was ridiculous, right? Right? They were all 18 now on their last school year with the future in their hands but he hadn’t thought about that kind of events in their lives yet. Willie and he had been together for 2 years now and everything had been slow with them, just how they had wanted it, it was them. But it did sound nice, he couldn’t deny._ _

__He could say with confidence that the thing he had with Willie was serious and they talked about moving in together as soon as they had the money for it after school, escaping their homes and building lives of their own. With each other. Together they were stronger and needed each other the same as Alex needed the band._ _

__They were so close to graduation and the band was successful, gaining attraction and gigs and they were so close to getting a breakthrough, they worked so hard it was tangible, just a bit more and they had reached their goal. They were working day and night, Luke keeping writing all the time, his head overflowing with ideas and inspiration, Bobby and Reggie helping him with chord progressions and harmonies, Julie giving input in lyrics and the flowing of words, and Alex was there to keep them together with his steady beat._ _

__But then came the crash. Bobby was gone. Nobody knew what happened, there was no fight, no sign, no hint, he was just gone. From one day to the other. They came into the studio and his guitar was gone along with all his suspenders and laces for his boots. The loft without his changing of clothes, no toothbrush in the little bath when he was too lazy to trot up the path into the house after a sleepover._ _

__When they asked Bobby’s grandparents living in the house next to their studio, they said Bobby moved to live with his father on the other side of the city, had planned it for months now._ _

__Needing a day to let it sink in what they learned they weren’t wiser than before. Why wouldn’t he say anything to them? He couldn’t just go, leave the band and not say a word. Their last exams were over so they wouldn’t catch him at school and apparently Bobby didn’t want them to know where his father lived so with sadness in their eyes his grandparents didn’t tell._ _

__Bobby didn’t answer his phone, might have changed his number and it was all so confusing. They were a guitarist short so close to their big gig and it was frustrating. The offers they hoped for never came, they hadn’t been good enough without Bobby, they were on square one again._ _

__It took them a few months to get over the initial hurt but the aching in their hearts stayed. Bobby wasn’t only a bandmate of them, he had been a friend, a very good friend to all of them. Offering advice and a shoulder to cry on, participating in Reggie’s and Luke’s pranks and dumb midnight ideas when neither could sleep, easing Alex when he was anxious before a presentation, talking with Julie about missing their mums, having experienced the same, and when Willie walked into the picture he put a hand on his shoulder and welcomed him into their friend circle without batting an eye._ _

__So for him just vanishing into thin air like a ghost, was so unlike him._ _

__But eventually they had to move on without him. They took gigs even though their sound wasn’t the same without Bobby, searching for a new guitarist so they could take up their plan again and gain success even though they started 10 steps behind._ _

__Band circles and friendly meet ups were weird at first but the whole period after finishing school was weird, having to find their footing in a new world._ _

__Moving in as a band had been without a question after that whole thing brought them even closer together. Even though it had been Alex and Willie’s plan first they had to postpone. So they huddled together in a too small apartment for the four of them, working whatever job they could get to get the money for rent together, scraping by every month just like that._ _

__Willie was still with his parents. Saving up for an apartment just for him and Alex, they had talked about it. They desperately needed more privacy just for them. Reggie crashing their movie dates, Luke sitting in the kitchen with them when they cooked together, Julie staying for their talk session, it could get frustrating when they needed some alone time._ _

__Willie had been over last night for movie night and stayed afterwards like almost every night now as his relationship with his parents had gone down the drain. The space was scarce, but they managed, cuddling closer with their noses touching when they faced each other, stealing kisses every now and then until they drifted off to sleep, waking up as a tangled mess, the blanket wrapped around them._ _

__The others would groan when they sat together at the breakfast table, talking sweet nothings in each other’s ears and giggling like they had only gotten together last week and not act like and old married couple the rest of the day._ _

__All band members had work to do and left Willie on his own for the day, envious of his day off, while he was relishing in having the flat for his own to do whatever he wanted._ _

__When Alex had finally gotten home slightly exhausted from talking to customers all day long, he was ready to fall into his bed and take a nap with Willie until Luke came home and started complaining about his day while sitting on Alex bed, ignoring the couple cuddling under the blanket and giving him annoyed stares. Luke wouldn’t leave until he was done, so much they had learned._ _

__But when Alex entered with groceries in one arm, he heard Willie talking quietly, his voice subdued from the ajar door. Walking light footed into the kitchen to not startle or interrupt Willie’s call, he put the bag on the counter and started unpacking. From the kitchen he could see a small strip of his room and from time to time Willie when he walked by that space._ _

__It must’ve been a heated call, Alex could see Willie talking animatedly, flaring with his harms while he whipped his hair around in annoyance. Alex was ready to give Willie more time to finish the call before he walked in to say hello and draw attention to him but then he heard something that made his blood freeze up, stilling in his movements, egg carton holding halfway in the air._ _

__“Yes, I know, but – No, I said to you – Would you let me speak please? – Caleb hear me out, no you don’t – Caleb! I said I don’t want to have anything to do with Bobby – Ugh Trevor whatever I don’t care abo – oh my god could you just let me handle someone different, I told you back then I would never work with him and you promised me.”_ _

__Suddenly there was a noise behind him, and Willie stopped his walking to whip around and spot Alex in the doorway. Alex could still hear someone talking through the phone, the voice so loud the conversation could have only been an argument._ _

__“Alex?” Willie asked with wide eyes, not having heard his boyfriend coming home and realizing his conversation could be heard through the door but knowing he had been caught in the act. “Caleb, I’ll call back.” Without waiting for an answer Willie hang up and let his hand with the phone in it fall down along with his shoulders, he looked almost defeated. “Can I – “_ _

__“Bobby, huh?” Alex interrupted his boyfriend. “I could assume it’s a different one, but your reaction says something different.”_ _

__Willie nodded slowly and crossed his arms in front of his body, going into his usual stance when upset, rubbing over his scar he got when he was young. Brushing the skin there whenever he needed comfort but couldn’t get in the moment, using the rhythmic motion as a mean to hold him grounded._ _

__Looking up again to look into Alex eyes that conveyed only hurt he felt sick right away. It was never his intention to inflict any harm. But taking in Alex expression, it may be too late, and he had to live with the fact he himself did that to his boyfriend. “Alex, I – Can I please explain?”_ _

__“I’m not sure if I want to hear it if I’m being honest.” Alex voice was unusual cold towards Willie. They were always gentle to each other and this was a stark contrast, giving Willie whiplash from the sweet morning they had behind them._ _

__Willie had hoped he could at least clear up the situation, he had to, make Alex understand. “We promised each other to hear the other out.”_ _

__Letting out a short dark chuckle Alex eyes pierced him down while he stayed in the doorway, kind of leaning against the wood but looking more tense than he let on. “Yeah, but we also promised each other to never hold any secrets and be honest with the other.”_ _

__It was silent for a moment, the words sinking in, Willie knew he was deep in shit, no way of talking himself out of it, his only chance to diminish the damage he had done._ _

__Waving a hand in Willie’s direction Alex continued, “But okay, say what you want to say.”_ _

__Willie was more than relieved to get a chance to explain, taking a step closer to Alex, needing his presence near him but Alex held a hand out, making him halt. “No, you stay there. You stay there and start to explain. I stay here and listen and when you’re finished I – we’ll see.”_ _

__Swallowing once to get past the lump in his throat that dread had placed there, Willie searched for the right words. They had to be good otherwise Alex would never understand why he did what he did and why it all happened._ _

__Clearing his throat, he started. “Okay, so, if you want to know everything, we have to go back a bit. Almost to the beginning of our relationship.” Oh how much Willie hoped this relationship would stay intact once he was done talking._ _

__“You introduced me to your friends, and we all hit it off fairly well. I liked them and they all took me in not just as your boyfriend but as a friend as well and you guys started to invite me to your things. Whenever your friend group did something I was going now too and I had so much fun, really, you have amazing friends Alex.”_ _

__Daring to look into Alex face he could see him nod in understanding, but still waiting for the rest of the story so Willie goes on._ _

__“It was on one of the parties we’ve gone to, honestly I can’t remember which on or what day it was.” Willie digressed, trying to waste time to gain more to find the right words, but he could tell Alex was growing impatient._ _

__“Okay yeah doesn’t matter, anyway, I was in the kitchen and Bobby came in, he was wasted out of his mind and I got him some water and kept him in the kitchen so I could watch over him, but you know Bobby, when he’s drunk he eats your ear off and he started talking so much, first about nothing important but then he started to tell me about his family and how he missed his dad. I didn’t even know he was alive but I just nodded and hoped Bobby wouldn’t regret telling me anything in the morning.”_ _

__At the mention of Bobby, Alex eyes grew gloomy again, the aching in all their hearts still present, the way it never fully heals when a friendship brakes off, no matter how long it had been._ _

__“But he didn’t stop with his dad. He told me how he hated seeing his grandparents growing old and how he had to move away anyways at some point when his grandparents couldn’t care for him anymore. Then he drifted to the band, talked about you guys. You have to know he really loved you, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. He told me with such sincerity it was hard to listen to. But I guess for him this love had started suffocating him.”_ _

__Willie could hear Alex taking a deep breath from his place where he stood. It must be hard to hear all this at once._ _

__“His words not mine, and he didn’t feel enough around you. He emphasised all your talents and I tried to get him to understand that he had that talent too, that he was in your band for a reason, but he just shook his head.”_ _

__While he talked Alex seemed to get sadder and sadder, for the first time hearing about Bobby’s inner turmoil, not once having said something to his friends at that time and that made Alex feel guilty, because what had he done to not gain Bobby’s trust, that he didn’t think he could confide in him or the others._ _

__“What he said next made me worry first. He said he thought about quitting the band, more than once, quitting and going solo. Maybe it was because he felt he wasn’t good enough for you and would only drag you down or some other reason, he wasn’t clear. At this point I decided to bring him home because he was truly wasted and off his mind. I brought him home and the next day he called me saying he wanted to talk. We met and he apologized for last night, apparently he remembered talking my ear off and was embarrassed cause he couldn’t remember what exactly he said. I repeated some of his words and he I swear to god he started crying. And after that we just kind of met up once in a while, just the two of us, talking about things and Bobby started talking about quitting again and I couldn’t steer him away from that, he wasn’t -”_ _

__“Okay, wait.” Alex interrupted him midsentence with a bewildered expression on his face, almost angered when it wasn’t for a few stray tears on his cheek, slowly making their way down. “He wanted to quit, and you didn’t tell me anything? So I could talk to him and make sure he knows how much we appreciate him?”_ _

__“Alex.” Willie said the name with sorrow, knowing it was too late now anyways to change anything about the past. “I wanted to; I really do. But Bobby made me promise not to tell anyone and I didn’t want to break his trust, he was my friend too, you know that.”_ _

__Alex sighed deeply but Willie knew that he understood that part as hard as it was._ _

__When Alex didn’t say anything else, Willie picked up his story. “We also talked about our future after school, like we all did, because it was scary, and I told him more about my job with Caleb and he was so interested from the first moment I should’ve known. It was pure coincidence that he met Caleb, I introduced Bobby and apparently they wrote with each other I learned at some point when I saw a mail from Bobby on Caleb’s computer. I asked Caleb about it, and he told me Bobby was interested in a contract with the company. The first thing I did after that was walk to Bobby’s and confront him with it and we argued a bit and I thought that was it. Afterwards he didn’t talk about it ever again and Caleb didn’t mention it either. I really thought that was the end to it and your gig at The Orpheum was coming up and Bobby seemed normal, practicing with you and I wasn’t worried in the slightest.”_ _

__Willie’s voice grew a bit faster and louder to the end, his eyebrows furrowed. He had been so sure everything was going back to normal, but he had failed them all, foremost Alex in not confiding in him._ _

__Alex knew as well as him what was coming now, at this part they were all on the same page. Willie now spoke with a small voice, waving his hands defeated in the air._ _

__“So, you know, Bobby left and as soon as you told me I searched around at work and I actually found the contract, but I didn’t meet or saw Bobby, I swear. The last time I saw him was the same for all of us at the ice cream parlour.”_ _

__Alex took some measured steps, halting a mere few inches in front of him but Willie hesitated to reach out, being sure that Alex was still mad at him. “But why didn’t you say anything to us afterwards. You knew what Bobby was up to.”_ _

__“I thought-“ Willie’s throat was swelling up again as his eyes welled up, the hurt in Alex voice made him tear up and choke on his words._ _

__“I thought now it didn’t matter anyways. He was gone and it wouldn’t help you feel any better when you knew he was building a career on his own and got a contract before you guys could score one even though you worked so hard for it for years. Besides that, I felt so guilty. If I knew sooner what Bobby had planned, that he would go through with it I would’ve tried to stop him or even tell you, but I didn’t. I could’ve stopped him, but I wasn’t able to and I thought you would be so disappointed with me or even angry because it’s my fault you lost a friend.”_ _

__Finally looking up at Alex when his tears started falling down his face, he didn’t make a move to stop them, now it was all out anyway. Now he had to wait for Alex to say anything, to judge him, weigh his words and then sentence him. Hopefully Alex wouldn’t be too harsh, even though Willie knew what he had done was equal to betrayal, the number one rule to not be violated in a relationship next to trust._ _

__Alex dragged his hands over his face and then through his hair, biting on his lip before speaking up. His expression was unreadable due to the many emotions alternately playing over his face._ _

__“I’m sorry Willie. I loved you. I loved you so, so much, but you hurt me.”_ _

__The use of past tense hit Willie hard. Alex could’ve slapped him in the face, and it would’ve hurt the same. It was hard to breathe after hearing it._ _

__“I’m sorry, but I need some time. Just- give me some days.” He added and walked away from him back into the kitchen while Willie’s tears fell freely from his face and it needed every will from him not to stretch out a hand to prevent Alex from walking away from him, without a glance back._ _

__He sniffled some more, not even trying to stop his tears, as he rubbed with a hand over his nose. He felt so cold suddenly as if all the warmth of his life was being sucked out with Alex leaving the room and leaving Willie standing there all alone, not knowing if Alex could ever forgive him. How could Willie know that Alex would really call him in a few days, maybe he will change his mind and break up with him, he couldn’t be sure._ _

__He just knew he was supposed to leave the flat so he packed the few things scattered around the room and slowly made his way to the door, only seeing Alex back where he was hunched over the kitchen counter, head hanging low, no doubt crying too. But Willie wasn’t allowed to comfort his boyfriend and it shattered his heart. Without another word he left._ _

__Willie dived full into work mode after his schedule was cleared, not having to make space for Alex anymore. And he would rather keep himself busy than lay in his bed with his head in the pillow and cry till it was wet with his tears. Now he could cry for a few minutes in the bathroom stall and then pick up his task like nothing had happened. Washing his face and then greeting everyone like he was good._ _

__To his astonishment Caleb held his promise and Willie wasn’t paired with Bobby to work with. It would’ve been traitorous to meet up with Bobby while the wounds where still fresh and open for his friends and Alex._ _

__The days Willie promised Alex to keep away turned into two weeks and Willie grew impatient. Just one message that was all he wanted and needed. Surprisingly to him the rest of Sunset Curve had reached out and he met Julie, Reggie, and Luke, and they had talked things through. Willie repeated his story and he could tell his friends were hurt too but against his expectation were quick to forgive him. Understanding the situation Willie had been in. Breaking the trust of either Bobby or the others, there wouldn’t have been a happy ending for him either way, but Willie was frustrated it had affected Alex in the aftermath. The one person he promised to never hurt, and he went and did it anyway._ _

__It was nagging at him day and night and the others were making sure he wasn’t falling in a hole too deep and Willie hoped they managed to do the same with Alex. Unless Alex was good at living without him, but Luke revealed that Alex wasn’t coping well either. Willie wasn’t sure if he liked it better hearing that._ _

__One day Willie came home to the big house with his parents gone again and crawled right into bed. Exhaustion from work and life in general noticeable in his bones, desperate for some relieve in form of a nap. Too tired to make something to eat only for him, where was the fun in that anyways._ _

__Wrapped up in his blanket and head pressed into the pillow he didn’t need to tell his eyes twice to close and he was ready to drift off when his phone suddenly ringed. Groaning he reached out with one hand to grab his phone from the nightstand, only opening one eye to take a glance at the caller name._ _

__Suddenly both his eyes flew open upon seeing _'Alex' _written on his screen, sitting up and throwing the blanket off. Without hesitation he accepted the call.___ _

____“Alex?” Willie hoped it didn’t sound too hopeful in case Alex was crushing his feelings the next second._ _ _ _

____“Hey. Willie? Can we talk?”_ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the ending wasn't too sad. But be assured Alex didn't call to break up but instead clear things up and they will be a happy ever after for them.


End file.
